- Make the conversation about the two of you. Even if you’re wearing a strap-on, this isn’t about “you,” it’s about “we.” You should want to explore this as both someone interested in being the giver, but also as someone who’s excited to have their partner be the receiver. If your partner says “no” and they aren’t willing to even entertain
the possibility of anal penetration, you need to be OK with that. Good sexual experiences are built on pleasure, trust, and communication. - Acknowledge the scary stuff. That being said, Jean says it’s important to discuss and acknowledge someone’s fear and worries, if only for better communication and education. “Understand and hear their reservations – if any – and provide education if needed.” For instance, the receiving partner may be afraid it will hurt or that poop will get everywhere. “Neither of those need to happen with pegging, so try your best to mitigate and understand those reservations,” says Jean.
Hygiene and Anal Play
Start with hygiene. Sometimes feeling as clean as possible internally can help alleviate some of the stress around the “messiness” of butt play. If you want to douche beforehand, use a simple bulb like this one. If this doesn’t appeal to you, just be sure to take a shower beforehand and have a solid bowel movement three to four hours before receiving anal. (Before you try anal douching, read up on how to get started and potential risks.)
Speaking of poop, it’s low-key unavoidable in most cases. If you’re going to do butt stuff, you need to come to terms with this fact. You’re dealing with an anus. Poop comes out of anuses. This is a normal thing and it doesn’t mean butt play is bad. Expecting to put something in a butt and have it remain clean is wishing for the stars. (Related: How to Prepare for Anal Sex, According to Experts)
Get yourself some reliable water-based or silicone-based lubricant. The anus doesn’t lubricate itself the same way a vagina does, so lube is an essential part of comfortable and pleasurable anal play. Silicone lube is more slippery, but if you use it with a silicone dildo, you can do serious damage to the toy. I recommend this anal lube from System Jo (Buy It, $17, amazon) or this silicone lube from SKYN (Buy It, $10, amazon). (Or consider any of these other sexpert-approved best lubes for anal sex.)
Wrap it up. If you’re practicing pegging with multiple partners, be sure to use condoms on your dildo. This will help both with hygiene and with avoiding spreading STIs. Using condoms can help with easier cleanup, but you should still thoroughly clean your sex toys with soap and water after every use, regardless of barrier methods.
Warming Up: Solo + Anal Play
Now that you have your lube and are ready to try anal pleasure, it’s important to start SLOWLY. The slower the better with anal play. The anus is surrounded by a set of muscles called sphincter muscles, and it doesn’t naturally stretch or lubricate the way a vagina does.
“Use your hand before you use a tool,” says Jean. “You have more control – not to mention feeling – with your hand. Focus on touch and response, trying different things slowly and seeing what works for this person.”
If you haven’t tried anal penetration before, you may want to get an anal training kit to get started. These dildos gradually increase in size and help you to take larger objects in a safe, comfortable way. Try the b-Vibe Anal Training & Education Set (Buy It, $102, amazon) or the Doc Johnson Nazon).